


Conversations 4

by LadyoftheWoods



Series: Sanders Sides [12]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 23:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19734106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: There's one last Side Virgil hasn't talked to yet





	Conversations 4

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the end of this story arc. I have some ideas on continuing from here, but it could be a bit. Bear with me.

He paced nervously, back and forth, habitually glancing at the bed, where Logan sat, in his room, a scene unimaginable just four months ago. Before he never let anyone into his room, he barely had his room open. Now he invited them in, even if they couldn’t stay for extended periods of time, it was… nice. And the more exposure they got the more used to his room’s atmosphere they became and the longer it took for it to affect them at all. Logan was the best at managing, Patton coming in second, and Roman unsurprisingly last. But they were all trying and managing better than before.  
“You’re sure that’s what he said?” Virgil asked, for what seemed like the millionth time, not that Logan was counting. He’d lost track about a hundred asks before.  
“yes, I don’t know why you keep insisting I repeat it, I’ve told you verbatim what he said to me when he unexpectedly popped in. Whether he meant it or not is a different matter, one you are acquainted with better than most. He hasn’t gone against his word, has he?” Logan asked, a question he himself had repeated more than a hundred times, eyes flashing. Virgil shook his head.  
“Nothing. Complete silence. Which is… Nice? Weird? I don’t know. I don’t miss the fights or taunts but I miss… him. Just seeing him. And I know the time I spent in his realm before you got there wasn’t real, not really, it still felt… good. Normal. Natural, even after when we got back. Is that bad, or, wrong?” He asked, flopping down on his back on the bed beside Logan, rubbing his forehead.  
“No. It’s not bad. I know despite everything you still harbor affection for him. For a long time, he was your only source of socialization. You relied on each other. Then your paths diverged.”  
“You mean I left him.” Virgil replied bitterly.  
“you did what was best for you, there’s nothing wrong with that. He could have tried to change, to participate in a cooperative way, but he chose instead to linger in the shadows and torment you. Don’t let yourself forget that, either.” Logan pointed out evenly.  
“Do you remember how I was at first, Teach? Tell me that’s not exactly what he’s been doing. I thought the only way to get my point across was to be scary, to terrify you guys and Thomas into listening to me. He is trying, he just doesn’t get it yet.” Virgil argued, Logan sitting silently.  
“You can keep telling me things I’ve already heard you say, or you can talk to who you really want to discuss this with.” Logan replied after a moment of quiet. Virgil sighed.  
“I just don’t know if I can.” Virgil sat up, smiling slightly. “I still can’t believe you decked him.” Logan looked away, ears burning.  
“I may have let my emotions and your room cloud my judgement.” He replied, Virgil snorting.  
“Just a bit, yeah. Anyway, you should get going.” Virgil said, smile vanishing. Logan paused at the door, hesitating. “I’ll be fine, Teach.” Virgil said, shooing him out. He hoped that was true.  
He let out a breath against the closed door. Virgil knew he’d come a long way, but so had Logan. Ever since everything, they’d both been more open with each other, Logan had checked in more, been there more, been more protective. He liked spending time with Patton and Roman but they could be draining, with how hyperactive and volatile their emotions were, changing on a whim. Logan was steadier, more contemplative, and Virgil found himself gravitating towards that. Logan’s room was the only one that almost put his mind at ease to be in, that he barely had trouble handling. It was like…  
“Milo.” He said the name quietly, hesitantly, knowing he’d be there when he turned around, not knowing what either of them would do. Still, he took a breath and turned.  
There he was. Yellow gloves, yellow eyes, scaly face, though his hat and his usual cocky indifference were missing. He was hesitant, scared, off balance. Virgil flinched back despite himself.  
“Hey.” Virgil said, rubbing his arm.  
“Lucian.” Milo breathed out, drinking him in, every inch, relieved to see him looking normal, fine, alive. “I know I’m sorry isn’t enough- “  
“Sorry for what, exactly? Because there’s so many things that sorry doesn’t even begin to cover.” Virgil cut him off, voice hard, though he shook, with anger or fear Milo couldn’t tell.  
“Lu- “  
“Are you sorry for wrecking my self-esteem? Are you sorry for trying to destroy my friends? For nearly killing Patton? Nearly killing me? Because hurting me is one thing, but hurting them? That’s unforgivable, Mi. They’re my lifeline. They’re the only thing holding me together most of the time.” Virgil counted on his fingers, trying to keep his emotions in check, staring down Milo, with every point. “So? What, if anything, are you sorry for?!” He demanded, stepping closer, letting his anger well up and replace his fear, his sadness.  
“I’m sorry that I caused you pain. I’m sorry that I used you, used them to use you. There’re a million things I’m sorry for, Virgil and a million things I wish had gone a different way and a million choices I wish I made instead of the ones I did. And I am sorry that you’re happier without me. That you found a better family. That you changed and I haven’t. Because that means I lose you. I know that’s selfish, but what else do you expect from me?” He finished, looking away, idly staring at the drawings on the wall. Trying to feign calm.  
“That’s not good enough.”  
“What else do you want me to say, Virgil? That’s all I have to give. I don’t have reasonable explanations, I don’t have excuses. I did what I did and I am what I am.” Milo replied, sighing, looking miserable.  
“You don’t have to be this. You can be so much better, Mi. You can do so much good, if you would just try.” Virgil said, question in his voice. “I know you try and help, I know you want to. So why don’t you?” Milo looked down at Virgil, who was looking up at him with those big painfully hopeful eyes, asking the question they’d fought over a thousand times before. The thing that had started the rift between them. What he’d been asking and answering himself since Virgil left.  
“Because I’m not a light side. You were never really one of us, Virgil. You always straddled the line. I do too. But I’m what keeps the others from running rampant through the mindscape. If I started showing up to your little meet and greets, if I started acting soft, they’d take advantage. I can’t abandon them. I don’t want to abandon you. I never wanted to hurt you, I just…. I don’t know what I wanted. What I was thinking. You were putting your guard down more and more and I didn’t want you to get hurt because of it. So, I decided to help you raise your barriers back up, remind you what we’re capable of, so you wouldn’t slip too far. But I slipped too far. I almost….” He closed his eyes, so Virgil wouldn’t see how great his fear was, of what had almost happened.  
That moment when the arrow hit and they locked eyes played and replayed in his mind every moment after, every second that Virgil wasn’t back in his room, every time he closed his eyes. His mind spun through all the possibilities until he was begging, praying, wishing he would return to his room, just so he could help, just so he could know. He’d felt like he was going crazy, not knowing.  
“Milo?” Despite everything, Virgil’s voice still cracked with concern for him. He opened his eyes, unable to hold himself together. He swept Virgil into a hug, head buried in his shoulder, trying to keep from losing all composure. Virgil flinched, stiffening.  
“I thought I’d lost you. I thought I’d been the cause of losing you.” He whispered, shaking. He felt Virgil hug him back, tentatively at first, then holding tight to him, as if they were the only two in the world.  
“I’ll be better. I’ll do better. But I can’t stay.” Milo murmured, pulling away. Virgil smiled smally, rubbing his arm.  
“I know. But… we’re good now, yeah?” He asked.  
“That’s up to you, Virg. I’m the one who hurt you. I’m not entitled to anything you have to give.” He replied, eyes wet.  
“You called me Virg. You’ve never called me that before.” Virgil replied, “you’ve called me Virgil almost this whole time, haven’t you?” he realized.  
“That’s who you are now, isn’t it? It’s long past time I accepted that. Accepted you, as you are. As who you want to be.” He answered, meeting Virgil’s eyes.  
“I missed you, Milo.” Virgil grinned, making Milo laugh, and ruffle his hair. It had been too long since he’d seen Virgil really smile.  
“You too, Virg. You know how to reach me, if you need me.” Milo replied, giving a small bow before vanishing. Virgil rolled his eyes, fixing his hair, unable to suppress his smile. He’d been ready for a fight, but for once neither of them wanted one. He felt lighter than he had in months as he opened the door, ready to face the world, knowing Milo was still keeping an eye on him, for the better this time.  
Things weren’t perfect. It would be awhile before Virgil really trusted him again, before he let his guard down. But it was a start. For now, that was enough.


End file.
